b.cognosco

[...] Referring to the lawsuit filed by the Chicago Cubs baseball team to stop local building owners from watching games without paying a fee Hatch said "I'm all for peaceful settlements in cases like this, but there is no excuse for breaking copyright laws. These people have been warned. If the Cubs want to hire some snipers and pick these thieves off the rooftops I'm all for it. And they shouldn't be held liable. A few dozen sniper shootings and people will think twice about watching baseball games without a ticket."

Hatch -- best known as a deeply religious folk music artist, a technophobe, and a fan of long underwear -- also serves in the US Senate when he's not out advocating corporate attacks on private American citizens.

[...]

Hatch, whose patriotic folk hit, America United includes the line "Those who would divide us could not realize, that from the smoke and ashes America would rise...United...United" received a standing ovation from the Lions Club crowd. "Copyright terrorists are evil-doers, striking at the heart of this country. They have no idea how far we'll go to stand against them. These baseball thieves are just the beginning. Soon we'll be destroying computers, cleaning up the Internet, and saving our children and future generations by any means necessary!"

As the crowd filed out of the crumbling auditorium to the parking lot they were met by throngs of teenagers -- all waiting to drive their aging grandparents home. Dozens of cliques had formed around users with Apple iPods and they were eagerly trading their favorite re-mixes and singles, as the beats of pirated tunes boomed from car stereo speakers.

"Look at these fine young Americans," said a clueless Hatch. "All waiting here to help their elders. These are the young people we care about, the ones we need to protect from the evil-doers. Yes sir. These young people are the future of our country." [...] [AP News]

Author's note: The above story is satire. In keeping with the spirit and antics of our political leaders it is puerile, mean-spirited, even borderline moronic. But I feel better.

Copyright laws in this country are no joke. Artists and creators deserve protection, but the paying public has rights as well. Congress has forgotten this and has allowed a tiny handful of mega-corporations to lock away our culture and our heritage. We deserve better.

Now go out and convince the good people of Utah to hit Senator Hatch with an electoral clue-by-four™.